If America was the Titanic

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

If America was the Titanic

And Trump was Captain

He would have been the one who dismantled the iceberg-sonar before the voyage….

When the first mate and other officers saw the enormous iceberg in front of them, warning him to change course immediately,

He would have said it’s no big deal and that the ship will miss it — willfully ignorant of the well-known fact that most of the iceberg’s mass is underwater and spreads out, beyond what’s visible.

He would have told everyone on the ship, “Nothing’s wrong. Continue to enjoy yourselves.”

He would have attended fancy private dinners and hobnobbed with his friends as if nothing was wrong.

Upon feeling the initial impact, he would have diminished the problem, saying the boat would be upright and sailing again in just a few minutes. For the next several hours, as people died and the ship sank, he would have fired all the officers who warned him about the iceberg, as well as those doing their best to get people safely off the boat.

Instead of ordering that life-vests be distributed immediately, he would have continued to diminish the problem, until finally saying it was not his responsibility, and that the officers on each floor of the boat bore that burden.

As the enormous boat groaned and everyone became undeniably aware it was sinking, he would have blamed the iceberg on Greenland, who held a grudge against him, and planted the iceberg there. He would start calling the iceberg the “Greenland iceberg.”

He’d stand in front of the panicking people for hours, with confidence, telling them lies about the fate of the boat, refusing to order the lifeboats be readied, while simultaneously claiming they were already in the water.

He’d make a big deal about how everybody would have a place on the lifeboats, while secretly handing them out to his family, friends and the wealthiest passengers.

He’d pretend to be unconcerned, taking the occasional stroll about the chaos, never offering a word of condolence to those who suffered or died.

When it became clear his ship, under his fake leadership was going down, he’d make sure his Russian friends got a few lifeboats too, because they helped get him the Captain’s job; and when all this was over and he returned home, he wanted to do it again, and knew they’d persuade everyone to give him another shot. (It had been such a pleasant voyage filled with so many miniature golf games, and fun speeches, where people hailed him the way he liked….and somehow, the position paid-off his many debts, and make him and his family so rich).

Oh yes, he couldn’t wait to start the next voyage, and show those people from Greenland a thing or two about who’s boss.

Finally, amidst the chaos of the sinking ship, and with some of his belligerent fans wanting to return to the normal cruise immediately, he would tell them that the time for lifeboats was over; time to set sail again! With that, the crazed followers would gather to block the sailors from helping people get into the lifeboats. In some cases, they’d send the sailors and others overboard, and threaten that unless they returned to the normal operating posts, they’d throw every one of them overboard — especially those wasting time with such unnecessary things as lifeboats.

And that’s where we are now, folks.

Stay tuned for the further adventures of Titanic USA, led by none other than our own Captain Trump!



Ron Alcalay is a father, writer, storyteller and hemp clothing designer, who runs Vital Hemp. He is grateful for the living ecosystems that support all life.

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Ron Alcalay

Ron Alcalay is a father, writer, storyteller and hemp clothing designer, who runs Vital Hemp. He is grateful for the living ecosystems that support all life.